Friends老友记剧集英文剧本第二季第二十一集
221 The One Withthe Two BulliesJOEY: Hey Monica, why are wewatchin' the business channel?
MONICA: 'Cause I was going by it theother day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and,well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up againbut when it does, it's pretty exciting.
RACHEL: Ok honey, you really need ajob.
ROSS: Mon, speaking of which, dadsays he knows someone you can call for an interview.
MONICA: Really.
PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That,that's the third sign today. Right there.
ROSS: On behalf of everyone, I'djust like to say behuh.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause you just said dadand everywhere I go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father.Like when I was walking over here and I passed a buffet...which is my father'slast name.
EVERYONE: Ahh.
PHOEBE: And they were serving frankswhich is his first name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie withspinning chicken.
MONICA: His indian name?
PHOEBE: No because I chickened outthe last time when I tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't thinkso.
ROSS: Freakish.
MONICA: Wow.
JOEY: Freaky.
MONICA: Weird, weird.
RACHEL: Ok, so uh, who wants thelast hamburger?
PHOEBE: Oh, alright, that's it, nowI have to go see him.
MONICA: Why?
PHOEBE: Hamburger. McDonald's. OldMacDonald had a farm, my dad is a pharmacist.
OPENING TITLES
CHANDLER: Man, I am so beat.
ROSS: Oh yeah.
CHANDLER: Hey, you just wanna forgetabout raquetball and hang out here?
ROSS: Yeah alright.
BIG BULLY: Hey you're in our seats.
ROSS: Oh, sorry we didn't know.
LITTLE BULLY: Hey, we were sitting there.
CHANDLER: Ok, there is one more wayto say it, who knows it?
LITTLE BULLY: Is that supposed to be funny?
CHANDLER: No actually, I was justgoing for colorful.
BIG BULLY: What's with this guy?
LITTLE BULLY: What's with you?
ROSS: Uh, nothing, nothing's with him.Enjoy your coffee.
CHANDLER: What just happened?
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke isthat I, I took your hat.
CHANDLER: That, that is funny. Can Ihave it back?
LITTLE BULLY: No.
CHANDLER: No?
BIG BULLY: No.
ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I thinkyou're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give himback the hat.
BIG BULLY: Why should we?
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. See he bought it 'cause he was feeling reallydown one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
CHANDLER: Stop talking, stop talkingnow. Let me just get this straight. You're actually stealing my hat?
BIG BULLY: You got a problem with that?
CHANDLER: No, just wanna make surewe're on the same page.
RACHEL: Hey, how'd the interview go?
MONICA: It bit. It was a 50's themerestraunt. I have to cook in a costume and dance on the counter. I mean I was achef at Cafe des Artistes. I mean how could I take a job where I have to makesomething called Laverne and Curly Fries?
RACHEL: So don't do it.
MONICA: How can I not do it? I have$127 in the bank.
JOEY: Monica, relax, go get a beer.
MONICA: I don't want a beer.
JOEY: Who said it was for you?
ROSS and CHANDLER: Hhhiiii.
RACHEL: What's the matter with you?
CHANDLER: The mean guys at thecoffee house took my hat.
RACHEL: Noo.
JOEY: You're kiddin'.
ROSS: It was ridiculous. Ya know,these guys, they were bullies, actual bullies, ya know. We're grown ups, thiskinda stuff isn't supposed to happen anymore.
RACHEL: Oohhh.
ROSS: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi.
CHANDLER: Ohhh Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.
JOEY: Hey, woah, let's go down thereand get your hat back.
CHANDLER: Na, forget it, it'sprobably stripped and sold for parts by now.
MONICA: Hey, I went up.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: My stock, MEG, it went up 2points. Hey guys, do you realize that if I had invested my $127 in myselfyesterday that I'd like have...a lot more than that today. Ya know what, I'mgonna do it.
JOEY: Do what?
MONICA: Put all my money in me.
RACHEL: Monica, what are you talkingabout? You don't know the first thing about the stock market.
MONICA: What's to know? Buy sell,high low, bears bulls... Yes Manhattan...yeah telephone number ofthe stock...selling store.
JOEY: See, didn't I tell ya thesepillows would be a good idea?
PHOEBE: Oh God, here we go. For thefirst time in my life I'm gonna say 'Hi birthfather'.
RACHEL: We love you, we're here foryou.
JOEY: Yeah good luck, good luck.
PHOEBE: Thanks.
JOEY: Hey Rach, you uh, you wantsome sandwich?
RACHEL: Ohh, what is in that?
JOEY: Olive loaf and ham spread, nomayo.
RACHEL: No no, 'cause mayo, thatwould make it gross.
PHOEBE: Hey, hey, no, oh oh.
RACHEL: Run Phoebe run.
PHOEBE: No no no, doggie please. Oh,I do so wanna love all animals, please no.
JOEY: Get him a bone, get a bone.You gotta bone?
RACHEL: Are you kidding me?
PHOEBE: Look kibbles, bits. Oh God,alright, get the hell off my leg you yippity piece of crap. Ok, alright, wehave a problem.
JOEY: Well why don't you just reachout and take his trampoline.
RACHEL: Ok, here, I know what we cando.
JOEY: Hey, hey, hey no.
RACHEL: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh.Ok go get the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself buthe will not touch your sandwich, what does that say?
JOEY: Well if he's not gonna eat it,I will.
PHOEBE: Are you crazy?
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a littledog. Ahhh.
CHANDLER: Hey.
ROSS: What?
CHANDLER: Do you have to be aCentury 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?
ROSS: Do you say this stuff togirls?
BIG BULLY: Hehehehey, isn't that the guy who used to wear your hat?
LITTLE BULLY: And look where they're sitting.
ROSS: You're joking, right? You guysjust walked through the door.
BIG BULLY: Maybe we didn't make it clear enough.
LITTLE BULLY: Yeah.
BIG BULLY: This couch belongs to us.
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell youwhat, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll seewho it comes to.
BIG BULLY: You know what I keep wondering? Why you two are still sitting here.
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've hadenough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
GUNTHER: Fellas, these guys werehere first.
BIG BULLY: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.
LITTLE BULLY: Sorry.
GUNTHER: There you go.
ROSS: Thank you Gunther. We didn'twant to have to go and do that.
LITTLE BULLY: He told on us?
BIG BULLY: You told on us?
ROSS: Well pal, you didn't give memuch of a choice.
CHANDLER: Don't play with histhings.
ROSS: I know.
BIG BULLY: Alright, let's take this outside.
ROSS: Let's, let's take thisoutside? Who talks like that?
BIG BULLY: The guy that's about to kick your ass talks like that.
CHANDLER: You had to ask.
ROSS: Yeah.
ROSS: Ok, ok look, see, the thing iswe're, we're not gonna fight you guys.
LITTLE BULLY: Well then here's the deal, you won't have to so long as neverever show your faces in this coffee house ever again.
CHANDLER: I think you played theGunther card too soon.
JOEY: Hey Phoeb's, I think you'regood to go.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I don't know.
RACHEL: What's the matter?
PHOEBE: I just think that this was areally bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know.It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for mygrandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever,despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since welike shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I wantthings to be like just right.
RACHEL: Yeah Phoebe, I completelyunderstand.
JOEY: Yeah, whatever you need. Hey,you wanna go home?
PHOEBE: Ok, thanks. Sorry, again
PHOEBE: What was that?
JOEY: Uhh, I'm guessing thethreshold's clear now.
MONICA: I wanna buy 5 shares of SGJand I wanna buy them now. C'mon time is money my friend. Thank you. Wooo.
RACHEL: Time is money my friend?
JOEY: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes moneyto make money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and kick your wallstreet butt.'
MONICA: Hey, I made $17 beforebreakfast, what have you done?
JOEY: Well uh, I had breakfast hereso technically I saved $3.50.
RACHEL: How did you make $17.
MONICA: Well, my financiallychallenged friends, I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY.
JOEY: How come those?
MONICA: Well, CHP because I used tohave a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds zexy.
RACHEL: What happened to uh, MEG.?
MONICA: MEG was good for me but Idumped her. Ya know, my motto is get out before they go down.
JOEY: That is so not my motto.
PHOEBE: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey Phoebs. Oh hey, how'sthe dog?
PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet,people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be okand I can pick him up tomorrow.
JOEY: Good.
RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have tohave a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog'sear grow back so...still hoping.
RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are yougonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok?
PHOEBE: I, I don't wanna meet myfather over the phone. What am I gonna say, like 'Hi, I'm Phoebe, the daughteryou abandoned. Oh, by the way, I broke your dog.'
JOEY: Hey Phoebs, if you want, I'lldo it.
PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't sayanything about me, ok.
MONICA: DON'T...be too long withthe phone.
RACHEL: She'll be a much betterfriend when the market closes.
JOEY: It's awoman.
PHOEBE: So talk to her.
JOEY: Uhh, helloMiss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returnedto you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye.
RACHEL: Why the voice.
JOEY: Hard to say.
CHANDLER: Your cappucino sir.
ROSS: Thank you.
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this ismuch better than the coffee house.
ROSS: Absolutely.
ROSS: How come it's not mixing withthe water?
CHANDLER:Well the package says youhave to uh, constantly keep it moving. Stir and drink, stir and drink, neverlet it settle.
JOEY: Hey,this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice'schristening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have anice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
CHANDLER: Ok.
ROSS: No.
CHANDLER: No?
ROSS: No. Man I don't wanna have tohave Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. Ya know, and Idon't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say youand I go back down there and stand up to those guys.
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a secondthere Custer.
JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have youever been beaten up before?
ROSS: Yeah, sure.
JOEY: By someone besides Monica?
ROSS: No. So what. So what if we getbeaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in hislife. Ya know, like a, like a right of passage or somethin'.
CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we justlose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growingback.
MONICA: I need toborrow a hundred bucks.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Hi, welcome home. I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
RACHEL: For what?
MONICA: I've gotta get back in thegame.
RACHEL: Why, when did you get out ofthe game?
MONICA: I don't know, I lost it allok. I lost it.
RACHEL: Oh no.
MONICA: Hey, I've come to terms withit, you have to too.
RACHEL: Ok. Look uhh, Mon I'm, I'mreally sorry.
MONICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where arewe on the hundred bucks?
RACHEL: I, I don't have it.
MONICA: But I need it. OtherwordsI'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing andthe costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.
RACHEL: Nobody does honey.
PHOEBE: Hi.
MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog?
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, andthe woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's avegetarian.
MRS BUFFAY: What are these, stitches?
PHOEBE: Yeah, eight of them. That's56 to him. You know also, if, if it's raining, you can't let him look up toolong 'cause that cone'll fill up really really fast.
MRS BUFFAY: Yeah well, thanks for bringing back what's left of him.
PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home.
MRS BUFFAY: How do you know Frank?
PHOEBE: Just from a, from a longtime ago. Is he here?
MRS BUFFAY: Yeah. Frank.
FRANK: Yeah. What?
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, um, I mean Franksenior.
MRS BUFFAY: He went out for groceries.
PHOEBE: Ok so will he be back soon?
MRS BUFFAY: Well he left four years ago so we're expecting him back any minutenow.
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm, I'm gonna go.I'm sorry about the dog, everything. I'm sorry.
FRANK: Hey lady. Hey wait up. How do you know my dad?
PHOEBE: Um well I don't really. Justgenetically. He's kinda my dad too.
FRANK: Heavy.
PHOEBE: Yeah. So um, did he evertalk about me, Phoebe?
FRANK: No but he didn't really talk about anything.
PHOEBE: Oh.
FRANK: Except stilts.
PHOEBE: Stilts?
FRANK: Yeah, he loved stilts. One time I was upstairs, I was stealingcigarettes out of my mom's purse, and uh, all of a sudden I look over andthere's my dad's head bobbing past the window. He just had this big smile onhis face and he was waving 'cause he was always happiest when he was on hisstilts.
PHOEBE: Wow.
FRANK: Yeah.
PHOEBE: I don't know what to do withthat.
FRANK: Me neither. So you're like my big sister.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
FRANK: This is huge, you can buy me beer.
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you knowwhat's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah,I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
FRANK: I gotta friend named Mark.
PHOEBE: That'll work too.
FRANK: Cool, alright. So maybe, ya know, I could give you a call sometime, wecould talk or somethin'.
PHOEBE: Yeah, that'd be ok.
FRANK: Alright.
PHOEBE: Ok, I'm in the book.
FRANK: Ok, yeah.
PHOEBE: Alright. So um, stilts huh?
FRANK: Yeah hey, you know if you want I can take you around back and show youwhere he hit his head on the rain gutter.
PHOEBE: Ok.
ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. Weare standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take?
CHANDLER: Would you come on! Comeon! Thank you.
CHANDLER: Ah, there we go.
ROSS: I think we proved our point.
CHANDLER: You burn your mouth?
ROSS: Cannot feel my tounge.
CHANDLER: Bullies, big bullies.
LITTLE BULLY: Oh, look who's here, it's the weenies.
BIG BULLY: Did we not make ourselves clear the other day.
ROSS: Yes, and that's why we'rehere.
CHANDLER: Yes, we're standing outground...apparently.
LITTLE BULLY: Let's do this alright.
ROSS: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya gotthere, a weapon?
LITTLE BULLY: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it on your ribs.
CHANDLER: Alright, let's do this.
LITTLE BULLY: Alright.
CHANDLER: Question. If I don't careabout my watch, can I use it as a weapon?
ROSS: Whad'ya mean?
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it'smetal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
BIG BULLY: No, you can't use your watch.
CHANDLER: Ok.
BIG BULLY: Or your keys.
CHANDLER: Ok.
LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in thehat over there. Alright. Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.
ROSS: Before I forget, are wehitting faces?
BIG BULLY: Of course we're hitting faces, why wouldn't you hit faces?
ROSS: Well because I have to work onMonday, I have a big presentation.
LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow anduh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea.
BIG BULLY: Ok, nothing from the neck up. Orthe waist down. Dana's ovulating.
LITTLE BULLY: Oh really, you guys tryin' again?
BIG BULLY: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Ok, so let me just getthis straight. So we're uh, strictly talking about the middle?
BIG BULLY: C'MON!
ROSS: Hey, hey, woah, you want someof this, huh? You want a piece of this, huh? I'm standin here, huh.
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys aretakin our stuff!
ROSS: Hey.
BIG BULLY: Hey.
ROSS: God, that was, that wasamazing, that was incredible. You guys, you guys kicked butt.
LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr.Clean back there. He was a big guy.
ROSS: Yeah he was wasn't he.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I wouldn't knowhaving missed everything.
BIG BULLY: Don't do that to yourself. Any one of us could have tripped overthat little girls jump-rope.
ROSS: So, listen guys, are we uh,are we ok here?
LITTLE BULLY: We're ok.
ROSS: Alright.
CHANDLER: Ok so, can I have my hatback?
LITTLE BULLY: No.
CHANDLER: Huh.
CLOSING CREDITS
RACHEL: Look at her.
CHANDLER: Hi Monica.
JOEY: He-he-he, how's it goin'?
PHOEBE: Hey nice boobs.
CHANDLER: Guys guys, check this out.
JOEY: Excellent.END
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