|
|
|
309 The One With The Football
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys arewatching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.]
The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!
Phoebe: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football,you could help.
The Guys: We will. (they don't move)
Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows in concentric circles.
Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. Iwant to do this.
(Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monica's nose. Monica takes it out ofher nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Monica: Every year.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of thesethings. (just as she sits down) .
Ross: Halftime.
Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get alittle three on three going?
Rachel: Oh! That would be sooo much fun!
Phoebe: Oh, can I play too? I've never played football, like ever.
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Chandler: No, no, no, I don't, I don't really wanna play.
Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice brokeup.
Chandler: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clustersall day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that I don't havegoals!
Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play,you get some fresh air, maybe it'll take your mind off Janice, and if you don'tplay, everyone will be mad at you 'cause the teams won't be even. Come on.
Chandler: Yeah, all right, I'll play.
Phoebe: Yay!!
Rachel: Let's do it! Ross?
Ross: What?
Rachel: Do you wanna play football?
Ross: Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
Joey: Says who? Your mom?
Monica and Ross: Yeah.
Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch footballgame called the 'Geller Bowl.'
Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly.
Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind'vecompetitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
Ross: It was soo not an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, soshe threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right into my face. And just keeprunning.
Monica: To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdowndidn't count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savagenose breaking.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
Ross: Oh yeah! Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup?
Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said,'nobody won that game, ' and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophyand.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this)threw it in the lake.
Chandler: And was the curse lifted?
Ross: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not to play football everagain.
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, it's beentwelve years.
Ross: Can I see you for a second?
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Monica: (shouting) Once!!
Ross: All right, we're gonna play.
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, becausemy Mom won't let me cross the street.
[Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their football game.]
Monica: Okay. Let's bring it in.
Rachel: Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it to me.
Ross: Here you go. (throws her the ball)
Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in theface.
Joey: All right, we have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tineals.
Phoebe: Okay, so how do we decide that?
Monica: Well, why don't we just bunny up.
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
Monica and Ross: (holding both of their hands above their heads makingrabbit ears with their fingers.) Bunny!
Monica: Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay, so um, I bunnied firstso that means I get to pick first. Joey.
Joey: Thank you.
Rachel: Monica, I'm your best friend.
Ross: Sweetie, don't worry you'll get picked. Chandler.
Rachel: Ross!
Monica: Phoebe.
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Ross: Sweetie, now I pick you.
Rachel: You don't pick me! You're stuck with me!
Ross: Okay. All right. So let's see, let's play from the trash can, to thelightpost. Right. Two hand touch, we'll kick off.
Monica: All right people listen, I've got exactly twenty-eight minutes before Ihave to baste again.
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Monica: Huddle up.
Joey: (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over here.
Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my firsthuddle.
Monica: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Monica: Okay, Phoebe you know what you're doing right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.
Phoebe: What's block?
Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you know what you're doing?
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.
Monica: Break.
(Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball betweenhis foot and finger.)
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball butkicks Ross's foot instead.)
Ross: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!
Chandler: Sorry. I'm sorry. Y'know what, we're just gonna throw it.
(Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)
Joey: I got it. (catches the ball)
Phoebe: Go! Go! Go!
(Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a touchdown. His teamall celebrates the touchdown.)
Monica: Score!! 7 to nothing!
Rachel: (coming over to Ross, who is just getting up) Are you okay?
Ross: Come on, let's go!
Monica: Losers walk!
Ross: Yeah, losers talk!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.
[cut to later, Ross's team has the ball.]
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and putshis hands between Ross's legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands upand looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
Ross: Yeah!
Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike!
Monica and Joey: One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi. Three-Mississippi.
(Rachel runs a quick slant.)
Rachel: Over here!
(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
Rachel: (proud of her self) I almost caught that one!
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to theright. Okay. Break!
Rachel: Wait, what am I gonna do?
Ross: You, you go long.
Rachel: Wait, how long?
Ross: Until we start to look very small.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Break!!
[cut to later, Monica's team has the ball.]
Joey: Set....hike!
Ross: One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, switch! Switch! Switch!!
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no!
(Monica throws the ball over Joey's head, it's stopped from rolling awayby a very beautiful woman.)
Joey: Haaaaa! Hey-hey, thanks for stopping our ball.
Woman: (in a foreign accent) You are playing American football?
Joey: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country.
Woman: I'm Dutch.
Joey: Hi-hi, I'm Joey.
Woman: I'm Margha.
Joey: I'm sorry Dutch, I didn't get that last little bit.
Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (seesMarhan) Hi, I'm Chandler.
Margha: Hello, Chandler.
Joey: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan.
Margha: Margha.
Joey: Mar-klan.
Margha: Mar-gha.
Chandler: Mar-haaaan.
[cut to Ross and Monica.]
Monica: Come on guys! Let's go! Come on, it's second down.
Ross: Uh, hello, it's third down.
Monica: No it's not, it's second.
Ross: Wow!
Monica: Wow, what?
Ross: It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff like this.
Monica: Pulling what? It's second down.
Ross: Okay, it's second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs youneed.
Monica: I heard that!
Ross: Well, I said it loud.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch?
Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why don't you stick around. You can sit rightthere.
(she goes and sits down)
Chandler: Well, that went well.
Joey: I think so.
Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.
Joey: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for itmyself, y'know.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part ofthat whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.
Joey: Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much to ya, I'll let you haveher.
Chandler: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didn't Iwouldn't have a shot?
Joey: Well I don't like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Don't feel bad man, weall have our strengths. You're better with numbers and stuff.
Chandler: Math!! You're giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget aboutit, you go for the girl, we'll see who gets her.
[cut to later, in Ross's huddle.]
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. Andsweetie..
Rachel: Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, it's like all I'm doing is running backand forth from the huddle.
Ross: Well ah, you wanna just stay out there?
Rachel: Can I see that for second.
Ross: Yeah.
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Ross'sforehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Ross: Okay. Hut! Hike!
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandlerruns upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)
Joey: Fumble!
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joey's shirt andrips it off of his back.)
Joey: What the hell's the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey.
Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.
Joey: All right, that's it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. Butnow, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Chandler: Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! Or somethingabout you that's mean!
Monica: All right, come on guys, let's go! Tie score, and we're runnin' out oftime. Forty-two!! Thirty-eight!! Hike! (the timer sounds as Monica throws theball to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh I got it!! (catches the ball) Oh! Ew! Broken boob! Ow!
Joey: Pheebs, run!
Monica: Run, Phoebe, run!
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
Phoebe: Touchdown!! Touchdown!!
Ross: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn't count.
Monica: After the snap!
Ross: Before the snap!
Joey: After!!
Chandler: Before!!
Rachel: Now, does it really matter?
All:Yes!!
Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?
Ross: Oh Pheebs, that's great. It doesn't count.
Monica: Does so count!
Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Monica: Y'know what, that's fine, maybe you haven't grown up, but I have.
Ross: Oh-ho, okay.
Monica: Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.)
Ross: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating,go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win.
Phoebe: Woo-yay!!
Monica: No! Listen, I'm not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Justonce I wanna beat when you can't blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, orthe fact that you thought you were getting mono. Let's just call this, tiescore and it's halftime.
Ross: Okay, first of all, I don't play with cheaters, and second of all, youknow I had swollen glands!!
Monica: Y'know what? I'll think you'll play.
Ross: Oh really! Why is that?
[cut to Monica and Rachel's.]
Monica: Because the winner gets this!
Ross: The Geller Cup.
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
All:Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, good.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of thegame.]
Ross: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!
Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, Iswam into the lake and fished it out.
Ross: That cup is mine!
Monica: No it's not! You want it, you're gonna have to win it!
Rachel: All right, so are we not having dinner at all?
Monica: Come on Phoebe, let's go! Come on, it's time to get serious, huddle up.Joey, keep your head in the game.
Joey: It's hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl.
Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be ableto focus?
Joey: What are you gonna do?
Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, I'll takecare of the rest.
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Break!
Joey: Here you go!
(Joey throws the ball to Chandler)
Ross: Chandler! Chandler!
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Chandler: (to Margha) Hi.
(just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and tackles him)
Monica: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don't see that everyday, do ya?
Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's with the tackling?
Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over.
Ross: Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough.
(They both stare each other down as we hear 'Let's get ready tor-r-r-rum-ble!!!')
(A long football sequence follows.)
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandler's head to Joey whocatches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler thentackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Rossruns over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts thepass.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebestarts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she endsup doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans downto show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Somethinghits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.]
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field anddelivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores thetouchdown, and she yells...]
Phoebe: I love this game!!
[cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel.]
Ross: Hey, where'd you get that?
Rachel: I went really long.
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
Ross: It's no surprise that your winning, 'cause you got to pick first, soyou got the better team.
Monica: You're so pathetic! Why can't you just accept it, we're winning becauseI'm better than you.
(Ross makes a 'Yeah. Right.' sound.)
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, I'll proveit to you, okay. I'll trade you Joey for Rachel, and I'll still win the game.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, that's ridiculous Monica,because I'm only down by three touchdowns.
Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might loseto a bunch of girls.
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey you're with me.
Rachel: I can not believe your trading me!!
Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Let's see what's it like to be on a winning teamfor a change.
Rachel: Are you gonna let me play?
Monica: All right then.
[cut to the guys' team.]
Margha: (coming over) The game is over, we eat now?
Chandler: No-no-no-no, the game's not over, we're just switching teams.
Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it's better if we're on thesame team.
Ross: Right. Okay, let's play. Let's go.
Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near theNetherlands, right?
Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe placewhere Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.
Margha: Oh, my.
Ross: Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Let's play some ball, guys.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, no, no, I-I'm not playing with this guy, now.
Chandler: Fine with me.
Ross: Okay, y'know what, let's just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, whichof my boys do you like?
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are youdoing?
Margha: Which do I like?
Ross: Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment, taking back to yourwindmill...
Margha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find reallyweird, I would have to say, Chandler.
Chandler: Yes!!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didn't understand thequestion.
Chandler: Well, you don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her.
Margha: I'm sorry, Joey, that is my chose.
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister I'll let you have her! I win!You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
Margha: I'm now thinking I would like to change my answer to, no one.
Chandler: Wh-what?
Margha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.
Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesn't matter, 'cause she picked me. Me! From now on Iget the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready,Set, Cook!
Ross: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We haveno time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.
Chandler: We're not gonna lose to girls.
Ross: Hey! It's 42-21!
Joey: This sucks, I was just up by that much!
Monica: Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marries.
[cut to the girls huddle.]
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, justthink about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on theTV while you're making out...
Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!
Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Let's kill 'um!
Rachel: Yeah!!! Kill 'um!!!
Phoebe: All right, no, well I want to kill them to, but their boys, y'know howare we gonna beat three boys?
(Another football sequence follows)
[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebeflashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up andtakes the ball away.]
[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and it's intercepted by Joey, whostarts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tacklehim, but she doesn't slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legsin order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and scorethe touchdown.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes himagain, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into atree at the end of the field.]
[cut to the girls huddle]
Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and we're down bytwo points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing aslow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.
Rachel: No! Come on! Don't make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.
Monica: Honey, there's a reason.
Rachel: God, I'm not lame, okay. I can do something. I can throw, would you letme throw, come on this is my game too.
Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.
Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, I'll pitch it to you, you throw itdown field to Phoebe. All right. Break.
Rachel: Thank you! Break!
Monica: Thirty-two! Seventy-one! Hike!
(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)
The Guys: One-Mississippi! Two-Mississippi! Three-Mississippi!
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out ofthe park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runspast Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hitsher in the eye.)
Rachel: I'm so sorry! Are you okay?
Monica: No! I'm not okay!
Rachel: I'm sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didn't know what todo.
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
Chandler: Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!
Monica: Come on! Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time! Huddle up!
Phoebe: Okay. Oooh! Oh, this is our last huddle, yeah.
Monica: All right, Phoebe get open. Rachel, go long.
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Okay.
Monica: Break!
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandlerand all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, whosees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We seeflying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball,then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at itin shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice) , Rachelcatches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monicaerupt in celebration.)
Rachel: (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did it!!
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey Rachel, funny thing. Actually, the ah, end zone starts atthat pole, so you're five feet short, so we win!
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobodytagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going.
(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at thesame time.)
Ross: Let go! Let go!
Monica: Let go! I'm a tiny little woman!!
Chandler: Guys! Guys! Come on! It's Thanksgiving, it's not important who wins orloses. The important thing is, (to Joey) the Dutch girl picked me! Me! Not you!Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!!
Monica: Ow!!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey areeating Thanksgiving dinner.]
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe there's a likeleague we could join or something.
Phoebe: Isn't there a national football league.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Rachel: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights.
Phoebe: Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you think we should bring them some?
Joey: When they're hungry enough, they'll come in.
[Scene: The park, it's dark outside and Monica and Ross are stillfighting over the ball.]
Monica: Let go!
Ross: No! You let go!
Monica: No!
Ross: How come it's always us left in the field holding the ball?
Monica: I don't know. I guess the other people just don't care enough.
(It starts snowing.)
Ross: Hey! It's starting to snow.
(They both look up, and watch it start to snow. Then they both startfighting for the ball again.)
Ross: Gimme the this!
Monica: Let go!
End
|
|
收藏
分享
有用
无用