qq8926085
发表于 2009-9-11 11:46:25
[原创]朋友分享的，逗死了
<p><strong>朋友分享的，逗死了</strong></p><font color="#2f2f2f" face="Tahoma">1</font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我是男教师。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">痔疮犯了，垫了一片卫生巾（卫生巾是太太的）。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">在学校打篮球的时候，那该死的东西顺着裤腿掉了出来，上边还有血<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~~</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">球场周围围了很多学生看球，<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">NND</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">，拾也不是不拾也不行……</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/><br/>2</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">高中的时候住校，有同学回家让他帮我捎点东西，便发短信：给我烧点衣服和钱。</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>3</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">昨晚煮螃蟹，水开后，我把螃蟹一个个扔进锅里。蟹子很新鲜，在锅里乱动。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">老婆打小心善，就见不得这个，遂躲在我身后捂着眼睛不敢看。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我宽慰道：佳佳，我们是不是太残忍了？</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">老婆：嗯…………放盐了吗？</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/><br/>4</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我们那个教化学的老头近视<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">800</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">度，一次上课在黑板上板书后转过身来突然指着我大喊：你站着干什么！！给我坐下！！<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>我当时正坐在最后一排的座位上，而我身后的墙上挂着我的大衣……</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/><br/>5</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">上大学时急救课上，心肺复苏急救，教授边说边演示：</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">教授：双手按压胸部，不能使劲儿太大，压下<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">2~<st1:chmetcnv tcsc="0" numbertype="1" negative="False" hasspace="False" sourcevalue="3" unitname="cm" w:st="on">3cm</st1:chmetcnv></span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">即可，劲儿太大容易把病人肋<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>骨压断！<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>教授：下面请看示范（双手使劲儿一压），咔嚓一声！模型的肋骨断了。<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>尴尬的说，下课</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~<br/><br/>6</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">大学去深圳写生，</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">跟同学在马路上逛，突然一男同学往马路一边走去，</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">拍了一个人肩膀问：“大哥，，请问”，</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">是不是他脑子被门挤了，竟然问的是银行的押钞员！！</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">押钞员可能也没听清。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">回过头来，</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">神经紧张的拿着枪（大喷）指着他：“你要干嘛！要干嘛！”，</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我同学一看枪口对着自己，</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">吓的带着哭腔说：“大哥，没别的意思，我就问问几点了”。。。。。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">爆瀑汗。。。。。。。</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>7</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我在小学毕业时买了一本万恶的毕业册，因为上面说<st1:chsdate w:st="on" isrocdate="False" islunardate="False" day="20" month="1" year="2009"><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">1</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">月</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">20</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">日</span></st1:chsdate><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">－</span><st1:chsdate w:st="on" isrocdate="False" islunardate="False" day="18" month="2" year="2009"><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">2</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">月</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">18</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">日</span></st1:chsdate><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">的星座是</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> ----</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">水缸座</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">后来在很长一段时间内别人问我你是什么星座，我都说是水缸座！</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> <br/><br/>8</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">跟以前同事一起下班，在公司对面马路往车站走，对面走来一个男人，盯着我看了一会，我刚想问他认识我吗。那人看了我一眼，接着吐了！那个囧啊！<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">那人是个醉汉！</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我很无语，，同事笑喷了，从此此事流传千古开来。。。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">同事逢人就说，<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">***</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">那个丑啊，那人看了她一眼就吐了。。。</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>9</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我朋友有次喝醉了<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">据他妈说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">他在厕所</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">右手拿电话状</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">左手按着镜子</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">和镜子中的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">"</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">入狱者</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">"</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">深情对视道</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">吃得好不好啊</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">?</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">最近监狱管得严吗</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">?</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">争取早日出来啊</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...<br/><br/>10</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">有一次，因为有事要联系一个同学，但是手机里没存他的号码，于是给另外一个和他很熟的同学发短信，“请问有<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> XXX </span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">的电话号码吗？”<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span> </span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">然后耐心等候回复，</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">5</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">分钟后，终于收到回复了，迫不及待打开短信，赫然写着，“有啊”两个大字。<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span> </span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">无奈之下，只能又再发短信给这位大哥，“那么，请告诉我好吗？”又继续等了五分钟，收到了回复，再次迫不及待地打开来看，赫然写着另外两个字，“好啊”！</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/><br/>感谢家人热情无比支持，请点“有用”，加倍分享。O(∩_∩)O~<br/></span></font><font color="#2f2f2f"></font>
qq8926085
发表于 2009-9-11 11:46:56
<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">11</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我刚上大学的那会儿，特土，又一次课上老师让做<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">ppt</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">展示，以前从来没用过，正好那次我第一个上去讲，开了电脑半天投影仪没反应。<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>下面几个哥们喊按</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">F2</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">，按</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">F2</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">！<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>于是我犹豫了一下，问道：是俩键同时按吗？</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>12</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">一个小女孩跑到柜台前<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">对我说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’阿姨</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">给我一包蕃茄酱</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span> 我是男生</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">起码身份证上是这样写的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f"> 于是我笑了笑<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">一边递给她一边对她说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’没问题</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">小弟弟</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span> 小女孩楞了一下</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’我不是小弟弟啊</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">!</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span> 我</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’那我是阿姨吗</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">?</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">’<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span> 小女孩接过蕃茄酱匆匆跑开了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">!<br/><br/>13</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">研究生毕业的时候，班上一个女生两个男生帮她从七楼将五大箱东西搬到一楼，累的那两个男生差点断气，看楼的阿姨看不</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">过去，说了一句让我感慨至今的话“自己的男朋友不舍得用，别人的男朋友用得倒起劲”。</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>14</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">某天出门时给好友打了一个电话，让她和我一起出来，然后我上公交车，顺便拨个电话给她：“小<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">M</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">你到了吗？现在出门了吗？”然后好友小</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">M</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">曰：“我正做公交车呢！”<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>我说：“我坐的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">1_0x</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">路公车，你坐哪个？”好友大喜：“我也是诶！”<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>我感觉不对劲，看到对面的人看神经病一样看着我，下意识往后一看，发现好友小</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">M</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">坐在我身后的座位上：“你到了吗？你到了吗？怎么不说话，喂</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.......</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">”</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> <br/><br/>15</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">有一次乘坐<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">45</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">路去钟楼，中途上了位中年妇女。车上当时人不多，可她就是靠着我和另一个</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">MM</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">站着，我下意识地将自己的包包放在了身前，可旁边的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">MM</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">却浑然不觉地<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>看着窗外。不久，那位中年妇女一只手伸进了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">MM</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">的包包，说时迟那时快，我突然放了一个响屁，又臭又响啊，惹得满车人看我，羞得我恨不得找个洞钻啊。不过，熏<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>得中年妇女赶紧缩回了手去捂鼻子</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">!</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">哈哈</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">!</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">”</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>16</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">大一时整个寝室的女生都很单纯，我们八个人都没见过安全套的实物长什么样。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">某天晚上聊起来，就聚在电脑前搜图片，结果只搜到了包装盒和小包装没开封的那种图片，没有展开的那种，于是我们决定集体去路边那种投币机里买一个。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">结果那些机器都是锈迹斑斑的，我们一堆人就围着那个箱子议论到底里面有没有东西、浪费一个硬币值不值之类，路人见了我们估计都很汗……</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">后来终于买到一个，其中一女生大惊：“这么小！”我们都鄙视之，说带回寝室拆了再说。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">打开后，我们中大多数都觉得跟自己想象的差不多，但是那个女生还是说：“怎么这么小！那怎么把人罩起来？”我们都被雷翻了，原来她以为安全套是要把整个人罩起来的……</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">后来我们在超市看见一次性雨衣，都会对她说“你的<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">TT</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">”</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> <br/><br/>17</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">俺们高中学校的德育主任，说话非常之强悍。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">经典段落：现在我们学校有很不文明的现象，很多同学光着膀子打篮球，而且大部分是男生！</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">难道还有一小部分光着膀子的女生么？</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>18</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">高中一个同学近千度近视<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">没眼镜做不了人</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">一次打球把眼镜给砸了还继续打<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">继续头三分</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">结果还进了个空心<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">全场都静了<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">然后我<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">(</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我和他不同队</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">)</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">捡起球扔给他开球</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">然后他把球扔回给我<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">不是出界吗</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">你们开球</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...<br/><br/>19</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">视频：【电视剧】狙击手<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">第</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">23</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">集<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>评论：<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>酷</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">6</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">网友</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> IP:58.57.7.* 2009-08-16 22:08 </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">发表<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>看了很多抗日题材的片子</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">怎么汉奸都是中国人</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.<br/><br/>20</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">一起练车的一个阿姨<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">有天她老公骑摩托车载她回家</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">在路上，有个男的想要拦住他们，对他们说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我的车被前面的人偷走了，借你的车给我去追他</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">阿姨老公没理<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>他，继续开</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">那个阿姨坐在后面说了句</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~~~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我把我的车借给你了，我等下拿什么车去追你</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">- -.....<br/></span></font>
qq8926085
发表于 2009-9-11 11:47:42
<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">21</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">一次和朋友喝酒，从下午喝到晚上，白的喝不动就全换成红酒了，最后我一手举着杯中酒一手拍着他的肩膀，刚要说掏心窝的话，他把嘴里以及为吸收的红酒全吐身</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">上了，他愣了一秒，抱头大哭，那就一个惨心裂肺，我无奈的说：“不就吐了我一身吗，没事，咱谁跟谁，别哭”，他抬起头对我说：“<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">X</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">，我吐的是血，一定是得了<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>绝症了……”，我当时就无语了……</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>22</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">小<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">A</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">公司近日发工资，小</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">A</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">高高兴兴的跑去了财务室去领工资，然后……<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>会计说：“你晚点来领工资吧，我这没零钱。”</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>23</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我一高中同学（<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">MM</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">）上大学后被学校派去宣传艾滋病日<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>顺便去跟着社团的人参加一个预防艾滋病的讲座<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>那天他们搬了凳子围教室坐一圈等老师来做演讲<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>这时候进来个人给每人轮流发了一根香蕉<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>我同学那个叫开心啊</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">嘿</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">听讲座还能吃水果</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> 8</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">错</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">8</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">错··<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>她和旁边的人一边有说有笑的讲话</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">一边剥了香蕉皮吃的开心<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>这时候老师走进来</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">每人发了一个</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">TT</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">原来那个香蕉是用来套<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">TT</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">用的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">可是我同学手里只剩下一个香蕉皮。。</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>24</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">高一的时候<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">也快高考了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我们学校的高三肯定紧张的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">周<st1:chmetcnv tcsc="1" numbertype="3" negative="False" hasspace="False" sourcevalue="1" unitname="升" w:st="on">一升</st1:chmetcnv>旗</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">有个高二女同学上屏幕演说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:...</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">各位学姐学长要认真面对高考</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">发挥自己最好的水平</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">不要再重复中考的失误</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...<br/><br/>25</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">化学老师<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">做稀盐酸和锌的实验</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">他把试管什么的准备好了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">倒了点盐酸下去<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>等了半天没有反应</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">很纳闷</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">遂叫一同学回答</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">：这位同学</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">你讲讲看为什么没有气泡产生呢？</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">同学：老师，你没有放锌！</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">老师：这位同学回答的很好！</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span></font>
qq8926085
发表于 2009-9-11 11:48:08
<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">26</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">中学的时候<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">开始流行文曲星</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我同学有钱</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">就买了一个</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,98</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">年的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">200</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">块</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我想借他的玩会儿<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">玩到一个地方要求输密码</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我就问他密码是多少</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">他不说<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">他说不要看啦</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">个人资料</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">于是<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我就放弃了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">但是我的好奇心一直没有消失过</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">有一天<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我看到他把文曲星拿出来玩</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我无意中偷看到他在输密码</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我看到他输了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">6</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">个相同字符</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">心中窃喜</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">原来密码这么简单</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">于是找机会去翻来偷看</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">于是<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我一天趁他出去了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">就把他的文曲星翻出来</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">赶紧输我看到那</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">6</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">个米字符</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">******....<br/><br/>27</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">北京的公交车上，一男人带一四、五岁男孩。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">等红绿灯时，公交车旁边有辆警车。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">男人不知为什么那么恨<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">pol.ice</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">，跟男孩说：“儿子，你看，他们是</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">pol.ice</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">。</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">pol.ice</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">知道么，他们都是人民的儿子。我就是人民，</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">pol.ice</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">就是我儿子！”</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/>1</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">秒钟后，男孩大喊：“那我是</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">pol.ice</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">他姥爷！”<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>我们坐旁边的都没忍住，笑出声了。</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>28</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我买了个乘车卡套</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">上面有个图案貌似是鸡</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">但我们又不确定是小鸡</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">他们就嘲笑我说我没有品位<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">买了个这么丑的东西<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>我很不服气</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">大声说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">怎么了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">鸡怎么了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">鸡也是有尊严的（当时我正热衷于说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">xx</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">也是有尊严的）<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>说完发现整个大厅的人都在看我</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...<br/><br/>29</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">一日。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">死黨：“我这是小蛮腰。”</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我不屑：“你丫那是猪腰。”</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">死黨不悦，反问：“那你是什么腰？”</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">答曰：“人腰。”</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>30</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">初中的时候，是两套独立的桌椅贴在一起放，和同桌（男）吵架了，然后我气呼呼的埋头把作业本写上名字，然后呼一下站起身来准备交作业，就看到我的</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">同桌坐在他的小凳子上，然后抱着他的小桌子。。整个朝外翻了下去。。。我惊呆了，不知道为什么，他缓缓挣扎着从自己的桌椅中爬起来，可怜巴巴地</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">说：我以为你要站起来打我<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">T.T</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">……</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span></font>
qq8926085
发表于 2009-9-11 11:48:39
<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">31</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">前几天终于和从初中暗恋的帅哥哥出去约会了</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我那个打扮呀<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">由于穿了很大领子的衣服，于是贴了胸贴</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">很甜蜜的吃完饭<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">就在商业街散步</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">突然<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">帅哥哥停下问我</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">你衣服下粘的是什么呀</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">?</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我茫茫然低头一看<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,OMG!</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">胸贴居然滑掉了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">!</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">并且粘在了衣服的下摆</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我很镇静地把它取下<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">扔进了垃圾桶</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:"</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">不知道是什么</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">估计是在哪儿粘的吧</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">."</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">于是我们俩继续散步</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">而我的手<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">抱在胸前就再没有放下来</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">... ...<br/><br/>32</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">在寝室聊八卦，一同学一边和我们聊天，一边用手剥手机充值卡的密码，越聊越起劲，等她回过神来，充值卡的密码那一条已经被她剥穿了，后来她用巧夺</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">天工的手艺把废纸屑里密码刮了出来，还充值了。</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>33</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">有一次上体育课，老师一上来就板着脸严肃地宣布：今天，我要批评两位同学，是一男一女。站我后面的一男生嘀咕：狗男女！一对狗男女！老师大声说，我</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">说得就是你，你和<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">XX</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">（另一个女的）</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">全班哄堂大笑</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~<br/><br/>34</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">前几天手机上网看到一个新闻<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">歌手含笑吸毒被捕</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我就纳闷了<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">吸毒就吸毒呗<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">为什么要含笑吸毒呢</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">?</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">为什么新闻又要特别指出吸毒者含笑吸毒呢<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">?</span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">后来才知道<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">,</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">原来含笑是个歌手</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">...<br/><br/>35</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">数年前，在公司做文秘，内急，慌忙冲向厕所，发现女厕所门虚掩着，因厕所为单坑，不敢贸然进入，遂敲门试探，只闻一女声从容答道：请进<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">~~</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">！！</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>36</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我掏口袋的<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">时候，一把钥匙掉了，当时没有发现，后来回去找！<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>在路边有对小情侣在那里，男的</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">突然激动的说：是</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">谁的？到底是</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">谁的？<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>我当时以为是</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">钥匙连忙说：我</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">的，我的！是我</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">的<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>后来才知道，原来那女的怀孕了。。。。<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>可怜我</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">的脸啊</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">。。。疼了几天</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>37</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">小时候年幼无知，只看过我妈穿胸罩，便以为胸罩是我妈专属的东西。于是有一段时间，我每天抱着撑衣竿子去院子里把所有的胸罩都收回家。邻居女人们日日来我家</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">索要胸罩，我每天执着的守护着家门口，朝她们大喊，全是我妈的</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">!~<br/><br/>38</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">我是一个搓澡的，我今天不小心把一个<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">B</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">社会老大的纹身搓没了</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>39</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">上学的时候学校是平房，九月份开学，来了好多新生。一天一个新生好像是课代表捧着一堆作业，问我：“数学办公室在哪？”</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">“男厕边上。”数学办公室确实在男厕边上，不过是左边。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">那位老兄走到了男厕右边对着们喊“报告”</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">停顿了一下，里面传出<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">个声音“不许进”！</span></font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/>......<br/><br/>40</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">上小学的时候，晚上睡觉做梦，梦见和爸爸吵架，很气很气，居然气醒了。醒了之后看见旁边的爸爸，还是很火，上去啪啪两个嘴巴</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">= =<br/></span></font>
qq8926085
发表于 2009-9-11 11:49:12
<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">1</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">一次数学晨练，全班都没做完。数学老师面露疑惑的说：我昨天晚上用广告时间就做完了，你们的速度也太慢了。有一同学当场不服，大叫道：老师看的是湖南台的广告</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">吧！全班笑倒。</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>42</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">新闻：佟大为妻子生下一女</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">评论：这个佟大真了不起</font><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/><br/>43</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">有一次去朋友家取东西<font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">走到楼下</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"> 3</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">人准备上楼</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">见楼下几个小孩在玩葵花点穴手<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>朋友多事</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">上去</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">说</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">:</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">看我的葵花点穴手</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">点到其中一个小孩<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>我们便上楼了</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">我们最少在楼上磨蹭了半个小时</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">下楼时</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">只见那个小孩仍在原地<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span>一动不动<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>朋友上去</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">来了个葵花解穴手</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">小孩</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);"> </span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);">便又活蹦乱跳<span lang="EN-US"><br/><br/></span>我狂汗</span><font face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US">.........................<br/><br/>44</span></font><span style="color: rgb(47, 47, 47);" lang="EN-US"><br/></span><font color="#2f2f2f">早晨刚起床，在阳台上看到对面楼一女的只穿着文胸在做早饭。就喊老公过来看，老公铁青着脸，无语的把全裸的我拎回了屋里。</font><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span><p><font size="3" face="宋体"><span style="font-size: 12pt;" lang="EN-US"> </span></font></p><p><br/><font size="3" face="宋体"><span style="font-size: 12pt;" lang="EN-US"></span></font></p><p><font size="3" face="宋体"><span style="font-size: 12pt;" lang="EN-US">感谢家人热情无比支持，请点“有用”，加倍分享。O(∩_∩)O~<br/></span></font></p>
林帆
发表于 2009-9-11 13:37:09
<p>都是一些雷人事件。</p>
foxgrace
发表于 2009-9-11 18:38:23
<p>太好玩了太好玩了</p>
qq8926085
发表于 2009-9-12 09:23:57
自己越看越好笑
great018
发表于 2009-9-12 16:41:29
有意思<br/><br/><br/>