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107 The One With the Blackout
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is introducing Phoebe,who is playing her guitar for the crowd.]
Rachel: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proudto present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.
(applause)
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about thatmoment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (playsa chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler isinside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Chandler: Oh, great. This is just...
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model insidethe vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phonewith her mother. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross are there.]
Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city isblacked out!
Monica: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn andQueens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on.
Rachel: Wow, you guys, this is big.
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am Igonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talkabout this later? OK. (hangs up)
Phoebe: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartmentand check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number?
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.)
Phoebe: Well, I never call me.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on thecellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]
Chandler: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model.Something... something Goodacre.
Jill: (on phone) Hi Mom, it's Jill.
Chandler: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. Iam trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (pause) Is it a vestibule?Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!
Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at thebank, in an ATM vestibule.
Chandler: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.
Jill: (on phone) I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don'tknow, some guy.
Chandler: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you withsome guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule andJill stares at him.)
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with amenorah, the candles lit.]
Joey: Hi everyone.
Ross: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is RabbiTribbiani.
Joey: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and theseare the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch ofcandles.
(They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinchin pain.)
Rachel: That had to hurt!
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and ahalf minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Justmake contact, smile!
(Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.)
Chandler: There you go!
(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looksfrightened.)
Chandler: You're definitely scaring here.
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody?(offering phone)
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with.Yeah, thanks. (takes phone)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it'sChandler.]
Monica: Hello?
Chandler: Hey, it's me.
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?
Chandler: Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he issaying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.
Monica: What?
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
Monica: I have no idea what you just said.
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone.
Joey: What's up man?
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR.
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATMvestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says somethingintentionally garbled)
Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The fiveare sitting around the coffee table talking.]
Rachel: Alright, somebody.
Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pooltable.
All: Whoooaa!
Ross: That's my sister.
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... thewomen's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?
Ross: Pheebs, what about you?
Phoebe: Oh... Milwaukee.
Rachel: Um... Ross?
Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'
All: No way!
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind acouple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and wewere asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel.
Rachel: Oh come on, I already went.
Monica: You did not go!
All: Come on.
Rachel: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be...(sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed.
Ross: Step back.
Joey: We have a winner!
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is onthe couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind ofpassion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middleof a theme park.
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn'thave a line.
Rachel: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on aminiature golf course.
Ross: Come on.
Rachel: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.
Ross: (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...?
Rachel: I mean, do you think there are people who go throughlife never having that kind of...
Ross: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something.Passion is way overrated.
Rachel: Yeah right.
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. Buthopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in thecase of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who missout on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
Rachel: (sigh) OK.
Ross: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.
Rachel: You don't.
Ross: Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Mmmm.
Rachel: You do?
Ross: I do.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs hishead and gets up)
(Ross gets up, pleased with himself.)
Joey: It's never gonna happen.
Ross: (innocently) What?
Joey: You and Rachel.
Ross: (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not?
Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, andnow you're in the friend zone.
Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying thegroundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has noidea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end upstuck in the zone forever.
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the rightmoment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?
Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? Thecandles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, Ithink that...' (Rachel comes into the room behind them)
Ross: Shhhh!
Rachel: What are you shushing?
Ross: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hearsomething. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that?
Rachel: Ahhhh!
Ross: See?
Rachel: Huh. (she agrees, but looks very confused)
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Jill: Would you like some gum?
Chandler: Um, is it sugarless?
Jill: (checks) Sorry, it's not.
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mentalnote: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangledanimal carcass, you take it.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.]
Phoebe: (singing) New York City has no power, and the milk isgetting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... lala la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down)
Ross: (to Joey) OK, here goes.
Joey: Are you going to do it?
Ross: I'm going to do it.
Joey: Do you want any help?
Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.
Joey: Good luck, man.
Ross: Thanks. (Joey hugs him) OK.
Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)
(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.)
Joey: Hey, where are you going?
Monica: Outside.
Joey: You can't go out there.
Monica: Why not?
Joey: Because of... the reason.
Monica: And that would be?
Joey: I, um, can't tell you.
Monica: Joey, what's going on?
Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, evertell Ross that I told you.
Monica: About what?
Joey: He's planning your birthday party.
Monica: Oh my God! I love him!
Joey: (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised.
Phoebe: About what?
Monica: My surprise party!
Phoebe: What surprise party?
Monica: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.
Phoebe: Well, he didn't tell me.
Joey: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.
Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to knoweverything.
Monica: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler gotbitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crushon Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joeylooks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Ross and Rachelare talking.]
Rachel: Hmmm... this is so nice.
Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not somuch a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel: OK.
Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to,um....
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on theroof behind Ross)
Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!
[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singingwhile outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross'shoulder.]
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: (singing) I'm on top of the world,looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the wondersI've found ever since...
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding thecat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding themenorah over the wound.]
Monica: (to Ross) This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.
(Ross flinches in pain.)
Joey: Sorry, that was wax.
Phoebe: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We shouldfind his owner.
Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in thehall?
Rachel: During a blackout? He'd get trampled!
Ross: (nonchalantly) Yeah?
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.(Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'?'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have astick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe andRachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate allliving things, right?
Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Hecklesanswers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.
Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems tohate you. Are you sure?
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?
Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.
Rachel: Bob Buttons?
Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very badman!
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
[Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for thecat's owner.]
Rachel: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did yougo, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runsinto a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunkholding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not thecat.)
Paolo: (something Italian)
Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing the candleout)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joeyare playing Monopoly.]
Ross: (rolling) Lucky sixes....
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this isPaolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
Monica: (smitten) Hi!
Rachel: And Joey....
Monica: Hi!
Rachel: And Ross.
Monica: Hi!
Paolo: (something in Italian)
Rachel: (proudly) He doesn't speak much English.
Paolo: (pointing at game) Monopoly!
Rachel: Look at that!
Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?
Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think.
Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Intoour lives.
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo'scat!
Ross: That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel keepstouching him.
(Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and Icouldn't find the kitty anywhere.
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
Phoebe: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'mguessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.
Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.
Paolo: (something in Italian, he is apparently attracted toPhoebe)
Phoebe: (smiling) You betcha!
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: (chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Blow abubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts toblow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out ofhis mouth and hits the wall.)
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do isreach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from thewall and slides it back in his mouth.)
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm...(grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God!Oh my God! And now you're choking.
(Chandler starts to choke.)
Jill: Are you alright?
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' signwith his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.)
Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives himthe Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better?
Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was....
Jill: Perfection?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are atthe window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and thestars)
Ross: (mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah...blah blaaaaaah....
(Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.)
Ross: Wha-What did he say that was so funny?
Rachel: I have absolutely no idea.
Ross: That's... that's classic.
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am Idoing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!
Monica: If you want, I'll do it.
(Ross looks at Joey.)
Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachellooks at her) But I won't.
Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... those threeseconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.
Phoebe: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard...(they stare at her)... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK.
Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we haveabsolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language butGoooooooddddddd....
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has goneover to straighten things out with Paolo.]
Ross: Paolo. Hi.
Paolo: Ross!
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, whichmakes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know...um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.
Paolo: Thing?
Ross: Thing, yes. Thing.
Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... beinghad, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that...Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...
Paolo: Bed?
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you getin the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Paolo: Oh!
Ross: Yeah! Se vice?
Paolo: Si.
Ross: So you do know a little English.
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel?
Paolo: No.
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a hugecrapweasel!
(They hug.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sittingbelow the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them.Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Nowwatch, it's easy.
Chandler: OK.
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in acircle)
(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hitshim in the head.)
Jill: No, you've got to whip it.
(He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almosthits him again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sittingaround the table.]
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burnout. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48....(someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Ross: Thank you.
Phoebe: Thanks.
Ross: Kinda... spooky without any lights.
Joey: (does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah!
(Everyone starts to imitate him.)
Ross: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one.Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo aremaking out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Ross: Oh.. oh... oh.
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bringit up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Closing Credits
[Scene: ATM vestibule, the power has come back on.]
Jill: Well, this has been fun.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... andfor saving my life.
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (shekisses him on the cheek) See ya.
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glassdoor after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the securitycamera and starts talking to it.)
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don'tknow if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
End
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