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Friends老友记剧集英文剧本第一季第一集 101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (ThePilot-The Uncut Version) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, andMonica are there.]
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I workwith!
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gottabe something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have ahump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what Iwent through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It'sjust two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
[Time Lapse]
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing inthe middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone...there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now Idon't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turnsout it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat,grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around myneck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff outtoday.
Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just infront of Ross.)
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leavemy aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hopeshe'll be very happy.
Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that?She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stareat him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take itpretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from awoman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll neverhave grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of painright now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have somehormones!
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- Ijust wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts tosearch the room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends hishand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to yourbuilding and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said youmight be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay,everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This iseverybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brotherRoss?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. Hesits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sitsand the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for fourwet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour beforethe wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and Iwas looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. Whenall of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- Irealized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then Igot really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks likeMr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway,I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this,and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know whereto go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the onlyperson I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...[Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TVand are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipeorgan, and she's really not happy about it.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine ishaving.
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'msorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one isholding her hair.)
Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler:(re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push herdown the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her downthe stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, allof my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you'rea shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don'twanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'mnot saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stayhere with Monica.
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying herewith Monica...
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don'tneed your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]
Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to thinkof nice calm things... Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbitsand kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbellsand- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles withstring. These are a few...
Rachel: I'm all better now.
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandlerand Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know?Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you canalways come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date'tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Ross: He finally asked you out?
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...
Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want meto stay?
Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good...
Monica: (horrified) Really?
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drinkit, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined upnext to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I justgotta go ah, go ah...
Ross: A wandering?
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Twoseconds.
Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't begood.
(Monica goes to change.)
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Yeah?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rubher neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get alittle red.
Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up totonight?
Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on myhoneymoon, so nothing!
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God..No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -biglizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey andChandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hangout here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: Okay, sure.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is awondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giantpigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her somechange and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are thereassembling furniture.]
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposedto attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these littleworm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- Icannot feel my legs.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling thebookcase.)
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Joey: Which goes where?
Chandler: I have no idea.
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it ina plant.)
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
Chandler: All finished!
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol'sfavorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with thatstuff we're outta here.
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got thefurniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
Ross: You guys.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Joey: You got screwed.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Oh my God!
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I shouldhave caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times aweek. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's sucha mess. How did you get through it?
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking somethingvaluable of hers, say her-
Monica: -leg?
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for thewatch.
Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! Theworst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel istalking on the phone and pacing.]
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know youprobably think that this is all about what I said the other day about youmaking love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and Iju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again...anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky tobecome Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that Ihave any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too...(The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joeyand Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working onwith a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: That only took me an hour.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us wehaven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You,however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years ofcloseness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and thatis why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there'sonly one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- andthat's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's likesaying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something,Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough,and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whippedcream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, youwere, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monicaand Paul are still eating.]
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: Isn't there?
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonnasay?
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, Ihaven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.)...Sexually.
Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, Iam sorry... I am so sorry...
Paul: It's okay...
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you needright now. Um... how long?
Paul: Two years.
Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifthdate?
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching JoanneLoves Chaci.]
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne LouiseCunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holymatrimony.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting aroundand talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it'sbeen since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' meananything to you?
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got adate with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outtahere. (Exits.)
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get ittogether enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out ofthe window.)
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffeefor Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffeebefore in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn'tanything I can't do.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can'tdo.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like yougotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste thecoffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm reallynot that hungry...
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy arehere.
All: Morning. Good morning.
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a lowvoice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer tothe door so that they can.)
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Monica: Stop!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all mybirthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Monica: We'll talk later.
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do ona real date?
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don'tinput those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch theReruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door andopens it to leave.)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dancesout of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh,Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) Monica: So how you doing today? Didyou sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hangerin your mouth.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you andTony DeMarco?
Rachel: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Monica: Big time!
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here.Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him allday. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!
Monica: What for?
Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.
(Monica exits.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz throughParrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Monica: You know Paul?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'knowbefore me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was aline!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something likethat?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticatedthan 'to get you into bed'.
Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that outinto the universe.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon thatonly dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She startsmassaging them.)
Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe youdidn't know it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enterswith a shopping bag.)
Rachel: Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I waslaughed out of twelve interviews today.
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots onsale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need myparents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: How'd you pay for them?
Rachel: Uh, credit card.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Rachel: Um... my... father.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sittingaround the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on thetable along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this reallynecessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your wholelife.
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for thefirst time.
Rachel: Thank you.
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to thiscity. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was backin prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up livingwith this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside portauthority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. Sobelieve me, I know exactly how you feel.
(Pause)
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Monica: All right, you ready?
Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I beready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane withoutyour parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!
Monica: You can, I know you can!
Rachel: I don't think so.
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything!(Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he andJoey poured their coffee into it.)
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one ofthem and they cheer.)
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it atthat. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if youlisten closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonnalove it!
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channelfinishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on thecouch?
Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
Monica: You be okay?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monicasmiles.) What?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where youfound it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into herroom.)
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Rachel: Sorry-
Ross: No no no, go-
Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-
Ross: Split it?
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn'tknow this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought Iwas Monica's geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let myintense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think itwould be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Rachel: Goodnight.
Ross: Goodnight.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters theliving room as Ross is leaving.)
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has noidea what that means.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
All: Yes!
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not agreat butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up andbit ya.
Ross: There's an image.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody likemore coffee?
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sitsdown to hear Chandler's dream.)
Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me,could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Goahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
End
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