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标题: Friends老友记剧集英文剧本第一季第十七集 [打印本页]

作者: bellamindm 时间: 2015-1-23 10:07
标题: Friends老友记剧集英文剧本第一季第十七集

117 The One With Two Parts, Part 2

Opening Credits
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monicaenter.  Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for support.]
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she'sheard it all before.)
Monica: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmaslights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or orankle or something.
Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?
(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a formattached to a clipboard.)
Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me.
(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.)
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches herbreath and massages her ankle.)
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in caseof emergency, call?
Rachel: You.
Monica: Really?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts an armaround her friend and kisses her.) Oh gosh, love you. Insurance?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.
Monica: (No longer touched) you don't have insurance?
Rachel: Why, how much is this gonna cost?
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couplehundred dollars.
Rachel: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do?
Monica: Well there's not much we can do.
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.
Monica: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no.
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second,who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Monica: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening,then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud.
Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go)Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!
Monica: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. Ihate this.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you. I love you.
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need anew set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).
Nurse: Why?
Monica: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) yousee, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting herinformation, (tiny laugh) I put mine.
Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blankform).
Monica: (Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I am thatstupid (tiny laugh).
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up hisnewspaper so Joey can look at the [url=]funnies[/url], while Ross's inappropriate joke atLamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playingfootball with my kid.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the babylike a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby...and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin'right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'mthinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it downfield.
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Joey: He should take the sack?
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'mthe one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'mgonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when Iwoke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring,most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need betterblocking.
(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.)
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to theRainbow Room? Is it real expensive?
Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff.
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Tonight.
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)
Ross: You take your time.
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, thenrealises.)
Chandler: There it is! So what're you gonna do?
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything toscrew it up with Ursula.
Chandler: And your friend Phoebe?
Joey: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'llunderstand. I mean, wouldn't you guys?
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on mybirthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waitingfor the doctors to arrive. They enter and are played by Noah Wyle andGeorge Clooney.]
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all thedifference.
(They approach the young ladies. Dr. Mitchell consultsMs.Geller's admissions form.)
Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica?
Monica: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, sheis.
Rachel (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel.
Monica (as Rachel): Hi.
Dr. Mitchell: (Smiling) Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell.
Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) AndI'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.
(Monica and Rachel smile back prettily.)
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Dr. Rosen: Excuse me?
Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young,young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.
Monica (as Rachel): Thank you.
Rachel (as Monica): Right.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey iswaiting for Phoebe to arrive for her surprise birthday party.  Rachel andMonica is telling Chandler about Rachel's incident.]
Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.
Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part.
Rachel: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors askedus out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes."
Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work forthe hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say weblow off the dates.
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors,(spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who arecute!
Chandler: Alright, what have we learned so far?
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the musicoff, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel whoanswer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone istoo keyed up to notice that it's him.)
The Whole Party: (Jumping up) SURPRISE!!!
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up todefend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contentsoozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crapoutta me.
Rachel: Was that the cake?
Ross: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush.
Monica: Come on, she'll be here any minute.
(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box onthe coffee table.)
Rachel: I hope it's okay.
(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the messinside.)
Monica: Oh...
Chandler: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe."
Monica: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one ofthose roses.
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)
Ross: (Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special caketools.
Phoebe: Hey, what's going on?
Ross: Oh, we just...
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god!This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) Youfound Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is inthe same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of awitticism, but even he can't help...)
Chandler: Did you see Betty?
(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", butPhoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with hisfather who is examining his next forkful.]
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a pieceof this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me,here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of myoffice!"
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Mr. Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebodyhad come to me with the idea andndash;
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, babything. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonnabe a father" kind of a thing?
Mr. Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy withthe business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.
Mr. Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stufftogether. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout wedo that?
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, Ijust needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after youwere born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and theybrought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and allof a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, sotight. And that's when I knew.
(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, thathe stops eating.)
Mr. Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?
Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg.
Mr. Geller: Eat your fish.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just gettingoff of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]
Monica: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.
Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, coming!
(Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr.Geoffrey.)
Monica: Hi, come on in.
Dr. Mitchell: Hey.
Monica: Hi, Geoffrey.
Rachel: Hi.
Dr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest andTova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Rachel: Oh, that's great. Look at that.
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle?
Monica: It's uh...
(Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her.)
Monica (as Rachel): ..well, why don't you tell them? Afterall it, is your ankle.
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lotbetter, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, andwe'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with theircoats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area,opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, thenlowers her voice anyway.)
Rachel: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tellthem who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.
Monica: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.
Rachel: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world,okay?
(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen haveconcerns of their own.)
Dr. Mitchell: So?
Dr. Rosen: So... they sss-still seem normal.
Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are.
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that everytime we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no pilesof bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with hisfinger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
(Meanwhile, back at the sink.)
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimesyou can be such a, a big baby.
Rachel: (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! Youknow what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...
Monica: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...
Rachel: You know what?
Monica: What?
Rachel: You know what?
Monica: What!?
Rachel: You know what?
Monica: (getting angry) What!!?
Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more like yourmother.
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment withglasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in herwake.)
Rachel: Hello! Here we go!
Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here?
Rachel: (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years,and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I wassupposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms inher chair.)
Dr. Mitchell: Really?
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish,but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you trythe hummus?
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do?
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurantuptown.
Dr. Rosen: Good for you.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to bosspeople around, which I just love to do.
Dr. Rosen: This hummus is great.
Dr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea.
Monica: (as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh, god, I am sospoiled... That's it!
(The doctors don't know what to make of all this.)
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned thatback in high school, I was a cow?
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Rachel: (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people'sattention.
Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her bestfriend) We both do that!
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideouslyembarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause whichfollows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silentlydaring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Erryeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it'syour dad.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up tomove further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, butthere's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tellyou...
(Monica glares triumphantly across the room, scaringRachel who also stands up.)
Rachel: Would you excuse me for a second?
Monica: (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talkingfast before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on yourbed.
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction,Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gaspingfor breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapesinto the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr.Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross,Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble.Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free handshaking with agitation.]
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy wouldI sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business!(Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can'thear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she'sdistracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again.
Ross: Good. Maybe he can switch it back.
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speakingin Spanish.)
Ross: Maybe not.
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from anurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingersat Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, holdon a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiverout as she limps quickly over to her friend, who stands up in concern.)
Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office.She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...
Rachel and Monica: Oh god, waddawe do, waddawe do, waddawe do?
Monica: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What dothey want? Find out what they want!
Rachel: Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no, youdo it.
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah???Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll beright down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
Rachel: What?
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right.You were right! This was just not worth it.
Monica: Thank you.
Rachel: Okay, let me just change.
Monica: Yes.
(Rachel goes to her room.)
Joey: (entering quietly) Hey.
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Trouble?
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night.
Phoebe: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't therefor you?
Ross: Well did you try calling her?
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called therestaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin'me off.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as shewatches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't hisfault.)
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returnswith two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table,when...]
Phoebe: Hey.
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Ursula: Oh!
Phoebe: Um you, you got a minute?
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at theconcept) ..working.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walkover, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair.Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets hismeal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Phoebe: So.
Ursula: Uh-huh.
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister hasvisited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat,while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's aJudy Jetson thermos!
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles atbeing able to make her point.)
Phoebe: Right, like the kind you...
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by thecounter.)
Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming?
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand.Phoebe brightens.)
Phoebe: I can't believe you did this.
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiarinside.)
Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan)..did this.
(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardiganaway.)
Phoebe: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)
Phoebe: Does he know?
Ursula: Who?
Phoebe: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.
Ursula: He is? Why?
Phoebe: You got me.
Ursula: Right.
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursulaturns to him.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
(The man gives up, shaking his head.)
Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you thinkhe likes me?
Phoebe: No, Joey.
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out.(Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
Phoebe: No. No food with a face.
Ursula: You have not changed!
(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simplyglad to be back with her sister.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you too.
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles backrealising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile,Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attractthe waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissionsnurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As theyapproach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles tosmile at all.]
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi, remember us?
Nurse: (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm.
Monica: (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little whileago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out weneed a whole new one (little laugh) because uh, you see, I-I, I put thewrong name again. (Little laugh) 'cause um...
Nurse: You're that stupid.
Monica: (as Rachel) I am. I'm that stupid. (Littlelaugh.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay forthis with a [url=]check[/url].
Nurse: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, I know... (mirroring her friend)..I'm I'm just not that bright either.
(The girls escape with a new form.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglectingthe game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in anattempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feellike a father.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one.Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you think I would.
(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck asmuch as possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)
Chandler: What's up with the simian?
Ross: It's just a fur ball.
Chandler: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?
Ross: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.
Chandler: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'.
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross andChandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel,who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. LittleMarcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up tothe admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to standbehind Chandler, followed by Rachel.)
Nurse: (angrily) You go get that animal outta here.
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital isway across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
Monica: What's goin' on?
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Chandler: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.
Rachel: Oh.
(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hitsthem, and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoilslightly.)
Nurse: Excuse me... This hospital is for people!
Ross: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? Hewatches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please,please have a heart!
(Ross's vigorous protest is attracting attention.)
Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for asecond time, in formation.)
Rachel and Monica: Oh, thank you.
Monica: Michael.
Dr. Mitchell: Rachel.
Rachel: What?
Monica: (as Rachel) Monica.
Rachel: (as Monica) Oh.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi.
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi.
(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachelsadly looks away...)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She LovesMe, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately lookinghopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed thestyle of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs upher coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out theidentifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
Joey: Urse...
(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)
Joey: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying tocall you.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Joey: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I knowthat "listen." I've said that "listen."
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about everythingyou said under the bridge?
(Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears herthroat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under thebridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Joey: You don't drink.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I wasdrunk on you!
Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, butshe fends him off.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging outwith her?
Joey: (Thinking carefully) no. No, I, I couldn't do that.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So,you know, it's either her or me.
Joey: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.
(He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum,while Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a handon his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Joey: I know...
(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out ofcharacter, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)
Joey: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin'up or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful.
Phoebe: Really?
(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his handsand kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silentlyshouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa torecover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling hislips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he thinksagain, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from variousangles, then...)
Joey: Pheebs?
Phoebe: (Automatically) Yeah. Oooh... (she's sprung.)
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operatingtable while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like aninfant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica andRachel look on.]
Ross: He looks so tiny.
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: We just got the message.
Phoebe: Is he alright?
Ross: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an'M' and an 'O'.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)
Ross: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's justsleeping now.
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like adad yet?
Ross: No, why?
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you hadto do. That is very dad.
(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure.The tiny figure stirs.)
Monica: Oh, look, he's waking up!
Ross: (Quietly) hey, fella! How you doing?
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with hiswhole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is tobe a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Racheltenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandlerwas right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey isthere.  Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out someChinese takeout.  There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
Ross: Aqui est? (Here it is!)
Monica: 緼 qui閚 pidio el pollo General Tso? (Whoordered General Sal's chicken?)
Chandler: udo aver sido General Tso! (It could've beenGeneral Sal!)
(Rachel points out of the window.)
Rachel: ira, mira, el viejo desnudo est?haciendo el hulahoop! (Look, look, Ugly Naked Guy is doing the hula!)
(The others rush to the window for a look.)
All:www! (Ewww!)
(Joey enters, happy again.)
All: ola, Joey! (Hi, Joey!)
Joey: ola, amigos! (Hey, everybody!)
(Marcel grabs the remote.)
Monica: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto.(Look, Ross, Marcel's got the remote.)
Ross: o que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele! (Thething is, he doesn`t like the program!)
(Everybody laughs.)
End

English translations...
Chandler's hand sports a [url=]plaster[/url].
Joey looks at the [url=]comic strips[/url].
Rachel pays with a [url=]cheque[/url].

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