如何处理人与人的关系（包括男人和女人）[原创]

寡无欲

I would like to communicate with you some things such as dealing  with others, since the skills are crucial to everyone in society.    Some recommendations for females.

First of all, you cannot promise something before you help them. I mean, although you can handle something very well, but, do not forget to only give possible answers to someone who needs you help.

Golden Principle one:
Do not promise anything to whomever you want to help.

Firstly, if you promise something, they will enssure that you can help them, once you fail to help them, they will blame you.

Secondly, by comparison with a possible answer to someone, if you make a promise, even if you help them successfully, they will not appreciate you more. ( In contrast,  they will appreciate you more, once you help them without making any promise in advance.)

Therefore Golden Principle two:
If someone asks you to help them, please using words such as "might" and "would", "could" "perhaps" "maybe", not using "will"  and "can ".


Golden Principle three:
Do not owe others something, particularly, Ren qing.
You can make someone owe you it.



Do not reply the email very often.
it is unnecessary to reply someone's email or invitation very often, you can even refuse or ignore them directly, especially, someone whom you dislike. If they become angry, please just leave them alone or ignore them, because it is nothing to you!  Do not try to comfort them

Golden Priciple four:
Be not too sensitive to someone's feeling, whom you dislike at all or you want to keep instance to .


If a man who want to have good relationship with you,  is writing some sensitive words to you, you can just ignore it. I mean, it is unnecessary to correct it, otherwise, you would hurt man's self- respect.
What you can do is ignore it,  and do not reply his email.

Golden Principle five:
A man who have good feeling to you, is helpful to you. Therefore, it is unnecessary to hurt them. You can just tell them what you need, when you need their help.   When you do not need them, you can just ignore them instead of hurting them or treating them well.

Man likes a fly, so long as you do not hurt them, they will never mind you to ignore them.

[此贴子已经被作者于2003-12-20 7:58:06编辑过]

zhshimao

i think that your idea on dealing with people is very good!

littlebear

support

风心自由

很奇怪，难道这样的一个主题只要用英语才能说清楚吗？  
     原来楼主是英语斑竹。原来如此......
     How to deal with others in a better way ?An article in English here  is just an opposite one.Since we come here to communicate with friends more frankly ,i don't think there is any necessity to write in English.
     自己的观点而已。

纯粹心情

以下是引用风心自由在2003-12-20 13:16:00的发言：
很奇怪，难道这样的一个主题只要用英语才能说清楚吗？  
      原来楼主是英语斑竹。原来如此......
      How to deal with others in a better way ?An article in English here  is just an opposite one.Since we come here to communicate with friends more frankly ,i don't think there is any necessity to write in English.
      自己的观点而已。

self-identity！！！！！！！

寡无欲

以下是引用风心自由在2003-12-20 13:16:00的发言：
很奇怪，难道这样的一个主题只要用英语才能说清楚吗？  
      原来楼主是英语斑竹。原来如此......
      How to deal with others in a better way ?An article in English here  is just an opposite one.Since we come here to communicate with friends more frankly ,i don't think there is any necessity to write in English.
      自己的观点而已。

My opinions accord with yours. Actually, I just want to tell our friends that we should get along with each other frankly and sincerely, but, please do not forget the key question, we are human being, who has a lot of soft pots. Consequently, we should use suitable skills and methods to deal with others.  Do not you know that? Do you understand that? Do not you make sense?

I have to say, someone also has the same opinions as you had. However, they are not very successful persons, at least  they are just persons who have not good and postive relationship with others. Or in other words, they indeed do not know how to deal relationship with others. I definitely believe that they are losers, or they will be.

How can I describe or demonstrate such kind of men using human language!  They are absolutely not suitable for working in the fields including business, marketing, public relations and management.

Of their future, I stongly suggest and I recommend them to work with machines instead of humans, which will really have many advantages to their whole careers and lives.

风心自由

看到楼主的回复，自己有点不明白。只好再仔细地研究了一下楼主的发言，以免有任何的误解。可是，好遗憾，却更觉得不明白了。
    楼主的题目是如何处理人之间的关系。在小女子看来，人际之间的关系如果要处理得好，大概无外乎真诚、坦白、互助、沟通等等罢了。
    楼主的几条GOLDEN PRINCIPLE 看下去却无不皆从自己的角度出发考虑问题：第一Do not promise anything to whomever you want to help. 为什么呢？原来一旦承诺的帮助没有到位别人会埋怨你，而承诺的帮助到位了，别人也不会太感激你。换句话说，是否承诺提供帮助不在于那人是否需要，而完全在于他会对我的帮助如何反应——是会“感激”还是“很感激”。
    我不知道自己理解的对不对。楼主强调的到底是什么呢？不要轻易许诺是没错的，可是这样的出发点自己还是第一次听说。
    下面的几条说到：如果自己不喜欢的人大可不必费时费力去理会；如果不喜欢别人就可以忽略其任何感受，因为这和我自己无关。可是在工作中还是在工作外，难道这就是一个好的方法吗？首先这否定了沟通的必要性，大家不是天生喜欢对方，那不喜欢的便可以不理会了吗？（楼主看来，这对别人还是很善意的，因为不会对对方有什么伤害。）其次，人们经常遇到自己不甚欣赏甚至厌恶的人，如果大家都这样IGNORE EVERYTHING ，恐怕只会带来人际的僵局吧。即使是男女之间，这样的原则也是很需要商榷的。（更何况看下来，楼主强调的还是感情以外的领域。）
    而对自己有所帮助的人呢？需要他们的时候，便可以直接索取，不需要时，还是那个办法，无需理会。那么，这就是楼主所说的如何处理人和人之间关系的法则吗？我倒真是不明白了。还是异国人情如此不同呢？
    我对楼主的背景不太了解，这回又查了一下，可能楼主是在国外求学或工作，或者根本已经是外籍人士了。可是楼主也有很多中文的帖子呀。
    我的本意不过是自己的一点看法：觉得这样的一个主题蛮好，可是用英语来分析恰是悖了题意——这里不是英文园地也不是英语角。家人聊天交流用中文感觉更为直白通畅和亲切而已。看来楼主对小女子的意见颇为不认同。
    还好并不只有我有这样的观点。可是楼主又给我们下了个定义： they are not very successful persons, at least  they are just persons who have not good and postive relationship with others. 原来如此。我倒不知道我这样的人已经是注定不能成功了的，更不用提和人沟通交流的了。呜呼。楼主还觉得这样的人是绝对不适合从事诸如商业、市场、公关、管理之类的工作，因为是注定要失败的嘛。楼主还算仁慈哦，给我们指出了正确的道路：还是去和机器打交道吧。
    小女子完全同意人自然是有很多弱点的，可是楼主并没有针对这些来阐释，相反看了楼主的帖子，小女子越发觉得人性的弱点真是不少呀。合已则用，不合则弃。如果这也算是和人交往的法则的话，我倒真愿意去和机器打交道呢！
    看来，这回楼主是颇为生气了，不然言辞何致如此严肃？小女子倒愿意和楼主讨论讨论，只是不知道是不是下回楼主又要建议我去和动物打交道了呢？
    家园里，我以为，什么都是可以讨论的。有同，必有不同。交流之益，便在于此；其乐，也在其中。于是写了这篇帖子，真诚欢迎大家讨论。不过也许楼主一生气，把我列入其DISLIKE的黑名单，IGNORE ME ，也是完全可能的。呵呵。

岚裳

这位仁兄估计是外国人看多了，外国话也说多了，中文不记得了

littlebear

cft!难道大家对说英语和用英文写的文章那么反感嘛? 不是很明白为什么?

HerrRubin

以下是引用岚裳在2003-12-22 20:04:00的发言：
这位仁兄估计是外国人看多了，外国话也说多了，中文不记得了

岚裳，
你和宁儿的主页，我看过了，
真的很漂亮，那首诗
还有那一尾鱼